It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
