I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i've created a new STD.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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