OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
