I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
