if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize