eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
