My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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