So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need moral support for this bender
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
