So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
