i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
