I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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