Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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