he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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