I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
