I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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