your parents love me but you hate me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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