You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize