So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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