i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
