my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
