omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i've created a new STD.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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