things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
