just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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