Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
