so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
