i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
