at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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