You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
