He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
