sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
