just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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