At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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