i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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