its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
