ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
