You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
