Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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