And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize