I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
