well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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