so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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