You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
