yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
