this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
