Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
