I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
where are you?
Hypothermia
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize