Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
