I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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