I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
