Screwed.edu
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Floor bacon is actually really good
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
