I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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