I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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