even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
