He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
