There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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