1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
