I am puke
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
