you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
