I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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