I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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