dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
