I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
