He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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