my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
