Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
