she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
