ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
