She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize