Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
